Goonswarm War Update – 20th December 2011

What other leader has expensive tastes funded by his followers and has had a very bad week?
What other leader has expensive tastes funded by his followers and has had a very bad week?

The Wisdom of Chairman Psihozz

“The war with sneaky goons has begun alliance Operation
The bloody empire is in danger for fuck sake
What we should to do? Take a stand and fight of course”

Those are the stirring words of Psihozz, leader of at least part of White Noise, yesterday, in a rousing address to his troops.  He goes on to offer them some well-chosen words of advice.  Let’s listen in for a second!

“also in branch goons have cyno alts so please do not rush your movements.
make smart calculated decisions lets not loose anything we dont have too.”

Wise words.  Nothing would be worse than, for instance, “loosing” a succession of jump freighters moving enough compressed minerals to fit out your previously-absentee fleets.

“Market in BKG is going to be seeded during tuesday.”

Maybe not so much, Psi old chum.

The interesting thing is that, while we’d been fed intel by a disgruntled WN member about an upcoming jump freighter shipment, this wasn’t even the one we were waiting for!  The fact is that huge swathes of their membership detest each other: their Americans hate Psihozz for making a lot of tech wealth disappear every month; the Russians hate the uppity Americans for not knowing their place and asking for a share;  the Russians also hate the other Russians; the Serbians loathe just about everybody; and everyone, apparently, hates Maru Ka’ge.

Our agent’s reports suggest the sort of forced optimism and jollity in their comms that you would expect of people pulling crackers and holding a compulsory Christmas party on a plumetting 747.  This is made even more strained by the hourly threats to boot anyone “bearing”.

Our fleets have varied from six hundred to about 1200 dudes so far.  Sadly, White Noise have hovered somewhere around the 12-14 level, while Raiden have wisely thought better of suiciding into us until their erstwhile allies-of-convenience manage to need someone with Wing Command 3 trained. That will hopefully change today, as we are seeing a flurry of badly-spelled RED PEN ALL HANDS ON DECK CTA emails in the aftermath of the CEO meeting they had last night.  A meeting which saw at least one of their corp CEOs tell his line members that no less than Solar, IRC, Death, RA, Raiden and PL had put aside their previous squabbles and were all on their way to help.  That is, perhaps, a touch optimistic but we should expect RA and Raiden for sure, and perhaps visits from anyone else Psihozz can call in to defence what his alliance has so far failed to turn up for.  You can’t contract out the defence of your space to others for ever, though (we should know, we’ve tried in our time)

We also have a few little shocks coming up for White Noise over the next few days, as things progress.

As an interesting postscript, former-MM corp “Shiva” decided that they wanted revenge against those pesky goons so badly that they volunteered to join White Noise last night.  A rare example of rats joining a sinking ship.

War progress

There is much to admire about Goons: a rich, invasive culture that has infected swathes of nullsec in particular with our language and memes combined with an intolerant attitude towards the brutish disregard for punctuation that characterises so many of our enemies, who are happy to squat amidst their own filth of comma splices and… multiple… inappropriate… ellipses…

However, few things are as strange or alien to the outside as our willingness to submit ourselves to nine hours of grinding through endless infrastructure shooting, leavened only with ahh chains, synchronised wind-breaking and utterly bemusing DBRB tales which turn out to be based on the belief that Joan of Arc was a Welsh running back for the mid-Eighties Miami Dolphins.

By this morning, we had reinforced 29 towers, nine of them with one or two CSAAs in build, and six systems.  So far, we have killed three towers – most importantly the jammer tower in bridgehead system Y-1918 – and are currently scrambling to catch up on tower kills after someone put a CSAA timer in incorrectly into the pos app :cripes:

Tonight we will hit a bunch more CSAAs, with mainly titans and a few supercarriers in build, and also a variety of tech moons.  Such is the broken nature of White Noise at present that they were timed – if we don’t flatter them too much with the verb “timed” since I hardly think that this was their plan –  to come out in the US timezone.  [i]Our[/i] timezone.  There is therefore the very appealing prospect that we will destroy hundreds of billions of building supercaps and seize enough tech wealth to pay for this war in what will only be the third day of the war.  This needs you, and our allies, to show up en masse, and [i]most importantly of all[/i] to resist any temptation to say “I thought she was that inflammable French bint, wasn’t she?”

Breaking News

Raiden and the alliance which oddly persists in calling itself Red Alliance despite not having any RA corps in it turned up to “help” White Noise.   As an alliance we are not noted for our Russian primetime/mid-euro-afternoon dominance but Dabigredboat just handed out a beatdown of the sort that ends up with megathrons and coercers being called primary for want of anything better left to shoot.  Having driven off the assembled defence force, DBRB’s fleet is now shooting a CSAA tower, ending the supercap dreams of some poor Helljumpers victims in knuckle-gnawing frustration.  Having rid themselves of Cosmoboy and timed their towers for Russian prime they must have hoped that their luck was improving, too :smithicide:

Here is what happened.